August 2008
1 post
This is my day off. I must make the most of it.
As if I don’t spend enough time at the mall, I spent an estimated 3.5 hours in the Rivertown vicinity today.
My day started at IHOP promptly at 12:04 (I was supposed to arrive at 12:02, but was running a wee bit late). I explained to Kate why I think Christians are dicks, while at the same time, noting of Mars Hill’s good intentions.
The platter of pancakes I expected turned out to...
July 2008
1 post
Songs I will NEVER play at my wedding
After going to a wedding this weekend, I have realized two important factoids regarding weddings.
1. Weddings are lame
2. Wedding music is lame
Based on those two, I am making it my personal goal to make sure my impending nuptuals are, in a word, bitchin. In order to do so, I must ban certain customs (Corinthians 13: 4-7, anyone?) and songs to obtain bitchin status.
With that, here is an...
June 2008
3 posts
Karma's a bitch
So everyone remember that anti-baby blog I wrote some time ago?
Karma has come back and bitten me in the ass.
I got my assignments for this month’s issue of Revue. Eight articles, a potential interview with The Hush Sound (score!) and Stone Temple Pilots (haha!), and this:
http://www.babyfoodfest.com/
Just go to that Web site.
I. Dare. You.
I am supposed to write positive things about...
Top musicians most people think are awesome, but...
1. Sid Vicious I can’t even describe my hatred for the ex- (ex because his psycho girlfriend thought he was a genius and didn’t need the band, and also because he’s dead) “bassist” of the Sex Pistols. I use the term “bassist” loosely because when he joined the band, he actually didn’t know how to play. He was only hired for his “punk rock...
Look at this or DIE
Because you are most likely my friend, I will share some important links with you. This is my new favorite Web site. http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ Don’t be hesitant to go to it, because it’s hilarious. And true. Some of the entries, I’m like, ‘damn, I’m white.’ Not that I thought I was otherwise, but I really. am. white. Here are some examples that the...
May 2008
1 post
April 2008
4 posts
OMG. i'm alive.
Wowie zowie. Infinite possibilities have been placed upon me with this little slip of paper that I have yet to hold in my hand. That’s right loyal readers, Grand Valley has allowed me to graduate. Now that I have that coveted prize within reaching, multiple doors should be opening, right? Right? Nope. The doors are locked, and I don’t have the key. Or I have one of those Playskool...
Anyhoo...
I remember Stick Stickly said that all the time on Nickelodeon. I think, but am not sure, that I had an unrequited love for him. A popsicle stick. Anyone else remember? Anyhoo, I digress. Today I bought this bumper sticker: I am a little bit in love with the truthiness (another stolen phrase, this time from a crush that is not inanimate, Stephen T. Colbert) of this sticker. I can’t...
I am lacking witty commentary
Lots of cool things have been happening to me. However, none in the satirical sense. I have been doing a lot of interesting things and have gotten more involved in the GR scene. I will go no further though, in fear of sounding like a huge tool. Graduation is less than a month. I have no idea where I’m going to end up by the time July rolls around. Scary as shit. I’m thinking of staying...
March 2008
8 posts
Goldfrapp- March 17, 2008 →
Parking lot sharks and why I hate them
I’m sure everyone has encountered what I like to call a “parking lot shark” at least once in their lifetime. I personally hate them. They are those drivers who are too lazy to get a spot where they have to walk 500 meters. These are the people who see you minding your own business, walking to your car with arms full of bags from your previous location. What do they decide to do?...
Babies part 2
Jackie: yea shazaam. i know how badly he wants you to pop some babies out
Lindsay: lksjdbvhg;jkhG0
Lindsay: HGU;qhdp;njhsajdkbg
Lindsay: lksdnhv'o[wy hon[fgbjhgaq [g'v
Jackie: lol
Lindsay: fucking babies
Jackie: yea i read your blog
Lindsay: i hate them!
Jackie: ditto
Jackie: that
Lindsay: well, whenever i have dreams about babies, i always throw them somewhere that's socially inappropriate
Jackie: lol
Lindsay: like, the garbage or the linen closet at my parents' house
Jackie: isn't throwing them socially inappropriate as it is?
Lindsay: yes, so i'm socially inappropriate times two
Jackie: yea who isn't
“Has Lindsay been helping the group at all? She been sitting here like a wet...”
– Dr.Bob, my communications professor And this is why Dr.Bob is my favorite. Keep watch for a blog on why I hate parking lot sharks. I also had a dream that I received death threats about my baby blog. I was scared for a while, then I got over it.
Why I hate babies
If you know me, you know I can’t stand babies. Wait. Let me specify. Baby humans. I love baby animals. I can’t get enough of those wittle cutesy wutsey fuzzie wuzzie wubbies. Human babies, I hate. Hmmm. Hate could be a strong word, but it is less strong than despise, which is what I could have used, but I choose not to because I have a sliver of a soul. The question I get asked the...
Today's lesson:
Timing is everything. On my way back from class, I made the impulse decision to stop by my work. This decision was impulse because a. I had already worked a 6 hour shift today and b. I had people to call before 5:00 (it was currently 4:13) Why I wound up back in the office, I don’t know. It could possibly be the fact that I had not seen my brother in A WEEK! Sheesh, that’s a long...
“Flowers are pretty before they get shitty and rot and turn to dust”
– The Vandals- possibly one of the greatest punk groups of the past 20 years
February 2008
8 posts
Be Kind Rewind →
In an era of Death Stars, alien invasions, fighting polar bears and wizards, this world has seen a lot of “special effects.” I use the term loosely because it’s not so special when my brother can pull off the same imagery on his mac book. My point is, everything that is fake looks real now. Long gone are the days where the pesky black outline distracts us from what is really...
THE SPORK →
1 tag
This is why I love Katie Petts
Katie: i bought a titanium spork
Me: WHAT? YOU CAN BUY SPORKS? TITANIUM ONES?
Katie: hells yeah
Katie: go to moosejaw.com and search spork...
me: what are you going to do with it?
Katie: eat
me: so, are you just going to carry it in your pocket in the event of there being food in a nearby vicinity?
Katie: maybe. good idea really
A little shit falls out of its mother's womb and... →
A group of a select few (i.e. women who watch TLC and Hugh Grant films) will most likely find this to be horrifying. Thus, I will be cursed and church groups all over the West and East Michigan areas will be praying for my soul. But you know what? I find an immense amount of hilarity in this story. A woman gives birth unexpectedly, while she is probably taking a dump (I say probably because they...
The Raveonettes- Feb. 25, 2008 →
“Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.”
– Oscar Wilde
GVSU is moving up in the world
Apparently, GVSU is in the works to receive a new library. With the university clawing at the deficit-infested state for $70 million, this better be good. I mean it. Zumberge better be at least 3 to all of these: 1. Not creepy 2. Have a name people can pronounce 3. Have a name I can spell (After 5 years at this place, I should be able to spell the damn thing. Nope.) 4. Have more books 5....